Coping Is Hoping .... When Hope Fails, Coping Fails With It

.... stephen leigh, 2001

The page which should be here has been restricted since 2002.

Far too many assumptions and misinterpretations caused that.

An email is required to read the page.

People might consider me insane. My response to that is honest and reasonable. There is no escape from constantly thinking about death when your wife is dying of cancer in front of you. After 34 wonderful years together, Rebecca died in my arms of cancer. She was 55 years old and I was 53.

If people think I'm insane, LIVE THROUGH IT YOURSELF - and then TELL ME.

Don't tell me about your 92 year old grandmother who had a heart attack. Don't tell me about your cousin in Idaho, killed in a car wreck.

TELL ME

about 14 months of non-stop chemotherapy, radiation, and numerous emergency hospitalizations, when your wife's fever skyrockets to over 105 degrees.
about watching the chemicals slowly and progressively KILL your wife, day after week after month.
how you felt when all your wife's hair fell out.
how terrified you both were when three of her teeth just fell out of her mouth for no reason - and ten minutes later, three more fell out.
how you and your wife reacted when all of her finger and toenails turned black.
how you both made it through dozens, hundreds more - horrifying experiences which you had no warning about.
about your wife's surgery to reinflate her collapsed lung, which was a failure.
that when the doctors came out of her surgery, they told you your wife had four to eight months left to live, you fainted on the floor, and regained consciousness on a gurney with an IV in your arm.
how you felt when your wife was dead exactly thirty days later.
how over $2 million dollars in medical bills did nothing - not a thing - to help your wife.

TELL ME about what you know. Then we'll be on the same subject. And if you know NOTHING - don't TELL ME anything.