Playing In Dumps

Occasionally, a musician finds himself in strange situations.  Somebody calls, needs a keyboard player tonight, and you agree.  Then you load up about 1,000 pounds of musical equipment in your $3,000. trailer, hooked to your $22,000. van.  Of course, you bring your custom made mic stand and $1,500. worth of mics for the Leslie.  The Hammond and Leslies are worth - to some musicians - well over $30,000.  After about two hours of driving, you arrive at the place.  As usual, you're two hours early, so you have plenty of time to set up, check your equipment, make any little adjustments.  You have to try and find a place to park so the equipment doesn't have to be rolled 12 blocks to get it to the stage.  I'm real glad because I didn't bring one of my good B3s.  When I'm crazy enough to play in a bar, I usually bring one of my A100s.  I don't like rolling my B3s down the sidewalks.  I don't like rolling my A100s and Leslies down sidewalks, either.  Actually, I don't like rolling anything down sidewalks.  The curbs are a real challenge.  And I'm spoiled - I'm used to pulling the trailer right up to where it's needed.

You're in luck this time.  The stage is only about a quarter mile away from the trailer, and it's not pouring rain.  Then you walk inside.  Whoops - nobody warned you about this.  The stage is about 8 inches high, and about the size of a desk.  Immediately, you realize there's no room for a Hammond and 3 Leslies on the stage.  So you say, "Who gives a shit?  Not me!  I'll just set up on the dance floor.  If people want to dance, let 'em dance on the tables!" 

About an hour later, the Hammond and ONE Leslie are moved inside, unstrapped, covers off, everything is hooked up, plugged in, and checked.  The Leslie goes on the stage.  I go on the dance floor with the Hammond.  (Anybody offer to help?  Of course not.  Are you crazy?) 

Then the "bandleader" arrives, hears you play and gets all excited.  He loves your playing.  The other players show up - they love your playing.  He wants you to join the band!  And .... did you sit down and take your blood pressure medicine?  Well, you better!  He offers to pay you a whopping SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS A NIGHT!  Imagine that!  With that kind of money, you could almost fill the gas tank and have enough cash left over for a hamburger. 

Consider it.  About 10 or more hours including loading the trailer, travel, unpacking, moving, setup, playing, takedown, repacking, and travel home.  Before you pay taxes, you're worth almost $7.50 per hour.  After you figure in all the costs, wear and tear, physical labor, upkeep on the musical equipment, and expenses, you're really worth about $0.37 per hour.  Slavery was abolished in 1865!

No point in bitching.  Let's just laugh at the pictures.  We'll laugh because I hadn't cut my hair for over a year!  Who gives a shit?  Not me!  Let's laugh because I brought some really nice stage clothes, and didn't even bother wearing them.  Do you think I was going to walk a half mile to the van to go get my clothes?  Who gives a shit?  Not me!  Let's really laugh because I spent the whole night laughing at the band.  Who gives a shit?  Not me!  They all played like 12 year olds, and the drummer couldn't keep time to save his own life.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to count to 4?  That drummer knows!  Everybody in the band was impressed - they loved my playing.  Who gives a shit?  Not me!  But I didn't like their playing.  Meanwhile, I just kept laughing at them, and they couldn't even figure out why I was laughing. 

At the end of the night, the clown in the red jacket, Chuck, paid me $75.  I laughed at him, and gave it to a waitress as a tip.  I just can't wait to play the Ringside Dump with the Backtrack "Blues" Band again.  Who gives a shit?  Not me!

Not long afterwards, I was on the front page of the St. Pete Times Entertainment section.  Imagine that!  I played a blues festival with 3 different bands in two days, and went home with about $1200.  Not only that - the Hammond and Leslies were supplied at the show!  I didn't have to move anything! 

Beats $75. anyway you look at it.

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